Teach me to number my days Lord, that I may get a heart of wisdom. (psalm 19:12)

Have you ever been in a position where you want to be somebody else? When magazines and media are all around you? You see fashion everywhere and you start questioning and complaining about how you look. You look at the mirror and start finding flaws in yourself. I’m short, my thighs were big, My calves are too bulky. Wish I could be tall. Wish I could have a body like her. I would be happy if I can look that way.

The answer is you never know whether you will be happy or not. You think you will be happy if you become like other people, but you just don’t know if other people you want to be are happy to have what they want. You think you will be happy to be somebody else, but when you have everything you want, you still want something more. You are never satisfied with what you have.

I used to be that way. I always looked at myself and wished I could be tall, have a skinny body, have skinny legs so I can wear mini skirts. I wanted to wear hats like the models in the magazines wear. I wanted to wear riding boots and on and on… But my body isn’t designed for that.

I remember every time I went to the store with my husband I tried an oversize black hat and asked my husband’s opinion. He said

Nah! Looks like a witch

Try another one. He said

Nah you look like a scarecrow.

I love my husband dearly, and I trust his opinion about how I look. I appreciate his honesty. I’d rather get an honest answer than an answer that is just trying to please me.

You just don’t know how many times I have tried riding boots and I never once found the right pair because I have big calves. One time I got these boots online with the widest calves I could get. They were still tight on my calves and it took an army to put it on. My husband’s task was to help me to pull the zip while I squeezed the boots, then helped me pull the boots off my feet because I couldn’t do it myself (it’s too tight).

After so many attempts, I finally gave up. I just want to be myself. I accept whatever I have. Everybody is designed as a unique human being. Instead of being somebody else, I work on what I have. I emphasize my good qualities rather than dwelling on my flaws. And I have gratitude for them. Ironically, once I gave up, I found the right boots and the right hat for me.The hat and the boots that are designed to suit my body type and not someone else’s body type.

Imagine this, if one day you wake up in the morning, you don’t have feet to walk, or you can’t see, or you’re paralyzed. Oh that’s scary. So, why do I complain about things I don’t have? Why not thank God for what I have? What if He took all those things from me one morning? I would still have legs to walk. I would still have hands. I would have so many wonderful blessings that I hadn’t paid attention to before.

From now on, when I wake up in the morning, I always check everything I have, legs, eyes, breath, my life, husband, family and I thank God for another chance to be the person He wants me to be. So teach me to number my days Lord, that I may get a heart of wisdom. (psalm 19:12)

This is one of my favorite songs. I played it for my mom 7 days before she passed away. She loved this song so much. Hope you’ll enjoy it too.

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    Comments

    1. melissa lee says:

      You are so right!!!!
      I think often it is very hard to reach that place that many of us carry that feels unworthy and not good enough…
      But, it is possible to find it and to work with all the feelings that are there to help transform them and for some it is a real difficult task and others not so much, but we all carry those feelings to some degree…
      As you age too, you start to have access to a more authentic place inside and then even how we dress comes from that place…

      thank you for such deep and thought provoking questions…

      xo
      Melissa Lee

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